Is the Skill of Listening, Truly Listening, Lost in This World?

by Laurie Richardone

In a world of endless distractions and busy schedules, real listening has become a lost art. Listening is more than just hearing words; it’s the doorway to connection, empathy, and even self-awareness.

What does true listening really mean? “It’s not enough to seem attentive — we must release our own mental noise.”

Reading The Lost Art of Listening opened my eyes to things I hadn’t considered, such as how often we listen just to respond, rather than to understand.

I’ve been discussing this book with a friend who is a spiritual therapist, and our conversation helped me identify a few key reasons why listening well is so difficult. Through our discussion, I began to see just how complex the act of truly listening can be.

There are many reasons we struggle to listen—here are three I’ve noticed:

1. Mental Preoccupation

We’re often too distracted by our own thoughts, already preparing what we’ll say next, waiting to respond. Eager to insert our opinions.

2. Preconceived Notions

Especially in close relationships, we tend to assume what the other person is going to say. We know someone so well that we stop hearing them in real-time. Some modalities refer to this as ‘already listening’—we filter the moment through experience. I’m learning that when I listen this way, I often miss the critical context underneath.

3. Hidden Agendas

Oftentimes, we are more focused on what we want to say than what someone else is saying. Especially when I’ve spotted a pattern that the other person might not be aware of.

When we’re growing and we have gained some wisdom, it’s easy to rush in with insights—but urgency can overpower the moment. So how do we learn to really listen?

Here are three practical guidelines that have helped me:

Be present.

Tune into the speaker—not just their words, but the feelings behind them. Try to understand what they’re really getting at.

Suspend your agenda.

Let go of the urge to fix, advise, or interrupt. This one’s challenging for me. I want to offer a solution too soon. If someone wants advice, they will ask for it. Usually, people just want to be heard.

Make it safe to speak.

“If you want the truth from people, you must make it safe for them to tell it.

When we start putting this into practice, we begin to understand that listening is more than just hearing. It’s a choice. A presence. A generous act. And it’s something we can all improve—slowly, consciously, and with kindness.

Ultimately, we all yearn for the space to be heard, understood, and valued. When we listen from a heartfelt place, when we quiet our minds long enough to hear what someone is saying, we deepen our relationships beyond words.

May you hear with your heart ~

If you’re a curious person or a cook, join me on my Podcast, A Taste for All Seasons.

Listen to the latest episode, Lost Skills of Listening.

All episodes are on LaurieRichardone.com ~ or wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Laurie Richardone is a seasonal chef, teacher of gluten-free cooking, and Wellness Coach

To work with Laurie, visit LaurieRichardone.com/contact